7 REAL Phrases That Make Me Feel Loved And Respected.

A few weeks ago someone on Facebook shared an article called, "7 Phrases That Will Make Your Partner Feel Loved & Respected." 

I'm gonna be honest. 

I only clicked on the link because I thought (hoped) it was going to be a sarcastic and smart-ass article.

It wasn't.

According to the article, "when you feel heard, loved and respected from the person you're in a committed relationship with, you're in total harmony with your union."

I'm not kidding.

Someone really used the phrase, "total harmony with your union" in a sentence.

Are you done puking? 

Too bad, because there's more. 

The article also tells you that just saying the words isn't enough, they "must be offered from a place of truth and authenticity" which will make your partner "feel instantly uplifted" and make you "feel good that you shared a loving, powerful, and connecting truth!"

A "connecting truth?"
Bring back my bucket.

Here's the phrases:

• "What can I get you?"

• "I'm so grateful you're in my life."

• "You are beautiful inside and out."

• "Thank you for all that you do."

• "You turn me on." (Which you are only supposed to say when you expect nothing in return. Hold on, I have to laugh for 14 years.)

• "I am so in love with you."

• "I am here for you always."

Before I continue, let me offer a disclaimer of sorts:

Of course I acknowledge that the above phrases are important messages for your partner to receive. I do. I'm just not the type of person who could deliver one of them with "truth and authenticity" without either spitting in my husband's face with laughter or vomiting all over his shoes. Neither of which would drive home the point of the words I was speaking.

I've been happily married for 20 years, and in a relationship with the person I married for 25. Obviously, there have been moments where one of us hasn't felt heard, and plenty of moments when we make damn sure of it (not by yelling, we're good "walkers-away"). But over the past quarter of a century (which makes it sound so much more, doesn't it?) I've always felt loved and respected and beautiful and appreciated not as much by things that are said, but by actions; by things that are done. 

Now before you go imagining all sorts of dirty things, let me be clear: I'm talking about PG actions. Sure, my husband tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful pretty much every day, and for that I'm certainly lucky, but it's the things he does, like cleaning the kitchen almost every night without complaint, making sure I've run my bath before he takes his nightly shower so I'm not the one who runs out of hot water, offering to pick up dinner almost every night because he knows how much I hate to cook (at least that's the reason he gives), taking charge of his own laundry and countless other acts of love and kindness that show me how he feels. Of course, he leaves his dirty clothes all over the bedroom and his bathroom sink could be condemned as a health hazard, but those things are easy (mostly) to overlook because of the sum of all the rest.

But while actions are certainly important, I do agree that it's equally vital for your relationship to verbalize messages of respect and love; we just go about it in different ways.

So here's my version of the list.
7 real phrases that over the past 20+ years have made me feel loved and respected, without making me bolt for the toilet.

• "You deserve it."
• "I'm at Target...need any tampons?"
• "I'll take the kids for their flu shots."
• "Let me know if I'm snoring and I'll take the couch."
• "More wine?"
• "Be quiet! Mama's napping."
• "You need a back rub." (PG or not, that one's always a winner.)

And sure, there's more than a few R rated phrases, too -- but c'mon, my kids read this blog.

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