Sick day brought to you by the Grammar Police.

For the past three days I've had one of the worst colds I can remember having in years. 

Like if colds were a menu item mine would be Super Sized. 

With extra fries disguised as mucus and swollen tonsils.

So I'm doing something today that I rarely do because I'm a mom. And if you're one too, the next four words might sound a bit foreign to you. 

I'm calling in sick.

But because it's Monday and I suffer from just enough OCD that if I don't post on a Monday I'll feel completely off all day, I've rummaged around in the archives and dusted off and refurbished an oldie. 

If you read it back in August, my apologies, but I think it's a message worth repeating. Again and again and again. 

You're gonna have to put your thinking caps on here. There are a lot of valuable rules about to come flying at you. 

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"Let's eat grandpa." - originally posted August 30, 2012

I found this ecard on (where else) Pinterest last week, and it reminded me, yet again, about how idiotic grammar (and spelling) mistakes are one of my life's biggest pet peeves.

Now, I don't profess to be anywhere near perfect when it comes to grammar, spelling, sentence construction and punctuation (Husband would like to go on record by calling me a liar), and I use and misuse my fair share of parenthesis and hyphens no question. Blog posts aren't really NYT articles and are not usually written as such, and I'll be the first to admit that mine are written to be read as if I'm talking to you which would certainly make my old English teachers cringe.  

But when I see the most basic of spelling errors violated - rules that were taught in third grade,  people - I go postal.

You know what I'm talking about, though, don't you?

Mistakes like this that you see  on Facebook &/or Twitter (and I'm totally not making these up - my sister and I have been keeping a list for years now).

inbarrising = embarrassing

Oh! God it! = Oh! Got it!

redue = redo

terafied = terrified

wait a go = way to go

bored = board

guest = guessed

greatful = grateful

and the always -always - aggravating misuse of these gems:

defanately = definitely

your vs. you're 

there vs. their vs. they're

its vs. it's

the possessive apostrophe - (learn it)

and my all time biggest pet peeve and the thing that will make me go postal faster than realizing we're out of Chardonnay - 

to vs. too

Now, I realize most of you reading this are bloggers...writers...well-educated people and I'm preaching to the choir.  But these mistakes are infuriating, am I right?   Maybe it's because I used to teach 4th graders these exact same rules of thumb or because I paid attention during Language Arts in elementary school, but whatever the reason, it drives me crazy.

So in case you - or someone you know - needs it, here's a few rules.  

You're welcome.

to vs. too

Use double 'oo's when you mean "always" or "a lot".

"I want an Appletini, too!"

"That glass of wine you just poured me is too full." (said no one ever)

your vs. you're

Use an apostrophe when you mean "you are".

"You're not really going to marry him, are you?"

there vs. their vs. they're

• direction - "Look over there! It's a bunch of naked motorcyclists!"

• a group, possesive - "Their house smells like dead fish and rodents."

• when you could substitute "they are" - "They're going to get me arrested one day, I just know it."

its, it's

• if you can replace it with "it is" or "it has",  use the apostrophe - "It's amazing how little I care about what you're saying."

• if using the possessive (look it up), don't - "The poor little mouse bit its own tail off to get out of the trap."

And maybe my biggest pet peeve of all, when addressing your Christmas cards, please please please  do not put an apostrophe 's' after your last name unless it ends in an 's'. 

example:

If your last name is 'Tucker', your family is not "The Tucker's"!!!  You are plural - "The Tuckers". 

And I'll leave you with a sign I had up in my classroom way back when - 

a lot is two - TWO - words.

Who else does this bother?? 'Fess up - I know you're out there!