Cleaning House...with giveaways.

Oh, wait.

Did you think this would be a post where I'd give you tips and tricks to help you clean your house? 

Oh, hold on. 

I'm laughing so hard I shook the empty Diet Pepsi cans right off my desk. 

Sorry, not today or ever. 

Today I'm cleaning a little house on the blog, which is much more preferential as I can do it with my fanny planted in my chair and without having to pull any hair out of the drain. 

My biggest cleaning tip?

Don't. 

Moving on...

I've got some things and people to mention and (more importantly) things to GIVE AWAY today, so grab a dust rag and let's tidy up!

First things first. I'd be remiss not to mention the tragic day in Boston yesterday, and it doesn't really feel right to be chatting about books and events and other trivial things when so many people are hurting today. Other than a few articles to get the details, I've tried to avoid the media coverage and instead have spent much of the morning reading messages of condolence, encouragement and hope on Facebook and Twitter (where else?).  Thing 1's good friend was there yesterday with her parents cheering her sister on, and had left the finish area only minutes before the blasts.  Shaken and rattled, they made it safely back home late last night. There's nothing I can say that is different from what everyone else is saying. Obviously, it is beyond the realm of our comprehension how things like this happen, and my heart aches for those suffering and is so thankful for all those who were so brave and helpful. 

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This past weekend Thing 1 and I drove to Madison, WI to check out the University of Wisconsin. 

And let me just show you what that drive looked like for over 100 miles. 

Snow, sleet, slush, torrential rain - we got it all. Drove through a freakin' final exam question in Meteorology 101. The drive, which should take about five hours, took over six. Cars were in the ditch left and right, but thankfully the Semi-Trucks continued to blow past us and clear that left lane up a little. 

I'm actually not writing about our college visit today (that's another post for another day) but wanted you to know that even though I was away this weekend, I was still popping up in various places (you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm like a fruit fly). 

So in case you missed it (but if you followed me on Facebook you wouldn't have) ~

I was talking about the time Scott Baio retweeted me (and I about needed to be resuscitated) over on Mamapedia, and was thrilled to be featured as one of their "voices". Do you read Mamapedia? If not, you should. It's a fabulous site where you can read about all sorts of humorous and thought provoking things related to motherhood (or not), get advice from millions of moms on hundreds of topics, and even ask questions of your own. 

I was over at one of my favorite blogs, Raising Wild Things, telling everyone how Husband keeps me up at night (no, not that). He's thrilled that post is getting a second life. Check it out! And while you're there, make sure and stick around. If you poke around long enough, you'll find out why her adorable son is named "Saurus". I'm not kidding. 

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By now you're probably shouting, "WHERE'S THE DAMN GIVEAWAY?" so here it is. But if you'll please stop swearing I'll give you TWO. 

Whaaaat? 

It's true. Two. Two giveaways. 

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I told you about the second book I had an essay in? 

How would you like to be one of FIVE people to WIN a Kindle (or Nook) version? 

I'm not even gonna mess with the Rafflecopter thing this time. Here's all you have to do.

•PAY ATTENTION. 

•"Like" this page on Facebook. Somewhere up there ^^ I gave you a magical link. Use it. 

•In the comments below, tell me you "liked" the page or that you already do (I can check...and I will, of course. It's the old 4th grade teacher in me). Also tell me the one thing you can't live without - every day. Who's paying attention??

THAT'S IT. 

I'll announce the FIVE winners on Friday. So check back, because I'll need some info. from you, and I might not hunt you down.

And listen, if you don't win, don't despair! You can buy your own Kindle version of this HIGHlarious book for only $2.99 RIGHT HERE!! Come ON. You can find that under your car seat. BUT if you like your books to be...well, books, you can buy the print version from Create Space. (Amazon will have it in print soon.) 

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GIVEAWAY #2!!

I'm also happy to share a giveaway that the hilarious ladies over at Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms are doing to give away a signed copy of I Just Want To Pee Alone! I could have put the Rafflecopter entry right here, but seriously, you have to go check out their blog - and besides, I couldn't get the link to work. Over the past six months or so I've grown to love these girls and we've discovered many, many things we have in common. If I lived a little bit closer I'd totally be loitering around their homes waiting to be invited to their parties. So get yer fanny over there and enter to win! Even if you already have the book (of course you do, right??) you can still win one to give away yourself!! Or have two, and leave one in the bathroom your guests use.

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That about wraps it up. 

Time to put the Lysol away, take off the gloves, open up a can of Diet Pepsi and kick back and watch the snow melt. Just in time for tomorrow. Who wants to help me pack?

It will be warmer in Alaska.
I'd drown in my tears if they weren't frozen to my face.