DumDums, Wikki Stix and Benadryl - Surviving Air Tavel Before Apple.

When Thing 1 was four and a half months old, she took her first airplane trip. 
To Hawaii (because nothing makes more sense than taking a four month old to Hawaii, obviously).

It's a long story, but the short version is that my father-in-law had planned a big family trip to Hawaii months before, and even though we had an infant (who, let me remind you, was born over two months early which made the timing of it - be it with a four month old or a two month old - ridiculously ill advised) we weren't about to turn it down. 

But good gracious lord I was stressed about that trip...and that flight.

Since she'd been pretty much quarantined since birth due to it being RSV season in Arizona, that plane ride was really her first public outing.  I know what you might be thinking. Trapping her in a capsule for five hours with 300 other people breathing their germy germs pretty much into her mouth and wanting to pass her around because she was so gosh darned cute sounds like a great idea for a baby who started life off with severely distressed lungs and weighed less than a watermelon? Agree.  I even took her back to the doctor the day before we left, after she'd given us the green light to go on the trip a couple of weeks before, to pretty much beg her to tell us that we were crazy and forbid us to go. She laughed, said "Aloha!" and walked out the door. 

Excuse me, stewardess? I'll take a screwdriver. Hold the OJ. 

With Thing 1 being only four months old (but with the development of a two month old), the plane ride was relatively uneventful and I didn't have to pack a magical bag of tricks to keep her quiet and entertained. However, I do believe that when I didn't have a bottle shoved into her mouth I kept her head-to-chest so she wouldn't inhale a germ. 

For five hours. 

*sidenote* While we didn't have to pack a bag of tricks for the flight, Husband and I might have gone a bit overboard on what we checked. Here's what I can remember packing, but it having been 17 years ago I'm sure there's a few things I'm forgetting: 

• stroller 

• full sized pack-n-play 

• entire crib mobile from her crib at home to attach to the pack-n-play so she'd have something familiar to look at

• giant golf umbrella that clipped onto carseat to protect her from the sun

• Baby B'jorn

• Jug of Dreft Laundry Detergent

• Enough formula for like 3 times the days we'd be gone

• ditto with diapers and wipes

By the way, the trip was fabulous and she had a lovely time, as you can see.

And no, that little raft was not for her. 

Over the next few years Thing 1 became a seasoned traveler as we moved away from Arizona to Indiana when she was just 10 months old and made frequent trips back to visit family.  And by "seasoned traveler" I mean she was always well-behaved and the recipient of many compliments from very appreciative fellow passengers, all thanks to this Mama doing nothing short of tap dancing on the freakin' airplane ceiling for the three hour flight and my self-invented "New thing every 15 minutes" magical bag of tricks. 

For those of you with small children today, or for those of you who've had small children in the past eight years or so, You Suck. 

I'm sorry, but it's true.

Going on a airplane? Long car trip? No problem! Load the iPad/iPhone/laptop up with some movies and coloring apps and a few episodes of DORA, throw a few suckers or a pack of gum in your carry on and you're good to go. 

Back in the 90's and early 00's we had no electronic devices. Zilch. Had to actually entertain our children. 

Seriously, imagine it. 

Now, stop crying and continue. 

Here's how I survived air travel with toddlers, back in the olden days, before personal DVD players became affordable to the regular folk, when the only people with laptops were businessmen and waaay before Smart Phones.  

At least two weeks before trip:

Start collecting little crap for your magical bag of tricks that your kid hasn't seen before...or at least in the past six months. 

Examples:

sticker sheets

miniature farm animal figures

paper clips

magnet boards

string

Miniature dry-erase boards

Wikki Stix

Pop together beads

pocket lint

Fruit Loops and yarn

new books

staplers and paper scraps

A few days before the trip:

Start packing the candy. 

Listen, trying to console a toddler tantrum 3,000 feet in the air with Go-Gurt, Goldfish or an Applesauce cup that they eat every damn day just ain't gonna work. You know what does? Every time? DumDums. Jumbo bags. I'd have those little suckers (pun intended) in every pocket, and before takeoff would stash them in the seat pocket in front of me, the crack of the seat, the crack of my legs, my bra....anywhere that I could have instant access. 

Day of trip:

Small dose of Benadryl. You can decide for whom.

Now, I'd like to go on record as saying that I never once medicated my children because they weren't  tantrum throwers and were generally well behaved - in the air or on the ground. But I would never, ever judge the mother who slipped just a small teaspoon of Benadryl into the bottle to make the flight easier on everyone involved. In fact, there've been flights where I've personally thanked one. 

Actual flight:

Show time. 

For the first 15 minutes when everyone else is boarding, let her play with anything she can reach - seatbelts, tray tables, buttons on the armrest, window shade, barf bags (check before she opens it...learned that one the hard way).  

Right before takeoff, give her something to suck - bottle (get one for yourself, too), sippy cup, DumDum. Timing is crucial here. Do not be fooled by taxiing on the runway. My kids would sometimes go through two entire bottles or five DumDums before we ever made it to the actual runway before I figured out this important lesson - Wait until plane starts accelerating.

Liftoff! 

Start dancing, Mama.

Every 15-20 minutes, bring out something new from your magical bag of tricks (see above).

And when all else fails, just open up your purse and let her go to town. Whatever you do, do not slack off! Keep your head in the game! 

If your child should fall asleep in your arms, do not breathe, move or adjust. If the person sitting next to you needs to get up to go to the bathroom, shake your head silently and mouth, "No can do. Sucks to be you."

No lie, this was my game plan for eight years - five with one child, and about three with two children. As I said before, thankfully they were (mostly) well-behaved, and by the time Thing 2 was three we had portable DVD players which enormously reduced the number of items in my magical bag of tricks and made my time on the plane a lot easier. 

Until she developed a recurring problem with air sickness.

So before you travel next time, remember this little story, say a few prayers of thanks to that Angel of Mercy Steve Jobs, load up your iPad with apps and movies, order a drink, recline that seat and breathe.