Gentelmen, this is the final rose....(with UPDATE)

PSYCH!!

I am going on blog-record and out on a limb right now by predicting that, for the first time in Bachelor/Bachelorette history, there will be no final rose given tonight.

What - what??

I have this theory and I have to unload it and document it otherwise later tonight or tomorrow when I'm all, "I knew it! I knew it!" Husband won't nobody will believe me.  But I think I've got the fair Emily pegged.

So here it is.
My Bachelorette ending shocker.
Where nobody gets to meet with the beautifully botoxed Neil Lane, nobody gets to take the never-ending limo ride while sweating in the tropical heat in their borrowed wool suit, nobody gets the "from the moment we met I knew you were special..." buildup that ends with "...but I fell in love with somebody else" speech, nobody gets a rose, and nobody gets proposed to.

And if this isn't how it ends, it totally should've.  I might be making a call in the morning.

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The fair Emily enjoys a couple of more days with adorable and uber-cool Jef-with-one-f and Mr. Hot-Pants in Curacao, frolicking in the surf in a brightly colored bikini, laughing and splashing with Jef and making out in the sand with Arie.

She's torn.

She cries big, perfect Hollywood tears because she loves them both and doesn't want to hurt them and because she knows in her heart that Jef is better for her and Little Ricki but doesn't want to stop kissing Arie and really wants to get him in a fantasy suite at some point in the future, self-respect be damned.

She gets advice from her family.  They bring up Little Ricki.
Oh, yeah.

She realizes this is too big a decision to make without them spending time with L.R. and in a surprising show of non-fame-whorish-ness she also realizes these meetings cannot be done on camera.  She begs Chris Harrison to let her break all Bachelorette norms and continue dating both of them for another few weeks or so they can both meet Ricki and spend time off-camera doing normal things - like having 2 "uncles" go to her soccer games and the park and cook dinner while shoving their tongues down Mommy's throat.

So that's how it will end.....without a final rose.

...UNTIL...

The exciting and for the first time in 2 years LIVE "After the Final Rose" Special, where the fair Emily will finally get to present the rose to JEF-with-one-f, because she's had 3 months to discover that he's much better Daddy material, makes her nervous "in a good way", and because she did get to enjoy the Fantasy Suite with Arie last month and totally got it out of her system ("I know...right??").

There ya have it.
I could be wrong.  But if I'm kind of right, I might need to call ABC and see if they need a script writer for next season.

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UPDATE....
So I just finished watching and I couldn't have been more wrong...and I couldn't be more happy to admit it.  She totally pulled a Fedotowsky on us.  Guess Arie should've put more love in that potion.  And (especially after seeing her date with Jef and Ricki) her choice was obvious.

I love Jef.
I love how eloquent and romantic he is.
I love his pompadour and that he chose to wear a white pocket tee to meet her parents.
I love his skinny ties and skinny pants.
I love how enthusiastic he is to be a Daddy. And that he wore pink goggles. Proudly.

I hope they make it.
Chances are, they won't.
But for some reason I feel like they will.  If he can put up with her. She seems like a lot of work.
Especially now that she got those awful hair extensions.

Anyone wanting Arie to be the next Bachelor?? (me waving my hand wildly in the air)
And anyone wanting to know what is in that journal??

Bachelor Pad tomorrow.  Ridiculous show.  I've watched both seasons and I hate it.
And I'll totally be watching tomorrow night.