The 12 Days of Christmas…My Way. (It's better.)

Much like all the boxes of ornaments in your basement dating back to your own childhood and the ugly ass Santa pillow that you continue to put out because your dear departed Grandma made it for you, today I'm dusting off and putting an oldie on display. Sure, this oldie is only one year old, but next year -- and the year after that…and the year after that -- it will become a true Christmas classic. You'll be singing it along with "Chestnuts Roasting…" and "Grandma Got Run Over By A…." and that horrible, depressing, tragic Christmas tale of those damn shoes.

So here it is. My version of the old classic. Year two.

Enjoy.

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Originally posted December 10, 2012

I've never liked the song 'The 12 Days of Christmas'.
As a kid I didn't like it because I never could remember the order of all the 'gifts' and every time I'd try to sing along (which of course I did because like Buddy, I believe that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loudly for all to hear) I ended up singing the '5 Golden Rings' and 'Partridge in a Pear Tree' part very loudly, but the rest always turned into a incoherent mess of singing the numbers of the days loudly but the rest all mumbled together (until I'd catch on halfway through the verse and then try to sing really fast to catch up).

SEVEN ladi..maids a'...gees..swannnsASWIMMING!

SIX lords a'..drumm...geeeeSEALAYING!

FIVE GOLLLDEN RIINNGS!

Oh, and btw, did you know that on the fourth day the correct gift (according to Wikipedia where I just had to go to double check how many geese-are-a-laying) isn't 'calling birds' but 'COLLY birds'?? WTF? I clicked the link and apparently a Colly bird is a common blackbird.
There. You learned something today. Go share it. You're welcome.

Yesterday when I was walking around the house bitching to the cats about all the crap lying around and contemplating wrapping the Things' bathroom with HAZARDOUS MATERIALS tape, this song came on.
And justlikethat, I decided to change it.

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS IN MY DREAMS*

*Sung as best you can to the familiar tune.  My apologies for the gifts that don't fit the 4 syllable structure.  Just sing it real fast. Make it work. 

On the first day of Christmas my family gave to me:

A house that wasn't mess-y

On the second day of Christmas my family gave to me:

2 clean bedrooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the third day of Christmas my family gave to me:

3 hung up towels

2 clean bedrooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the fourth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

4 rolls replaced

3 hung up towels

2 clean bedrooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the fifth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the sixth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the seventh day of Christmas my family gave to me:

7 sinks-a scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the eighth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

8 wrung out washcloths

7 sinks-a scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the ninth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

9 cans recycled

8 wrung out washcloths

7 sinks-a-scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the tenth day of Christmas my family gave to me:

10 picked up hair bands

9 cans recycled

8 wrung out washcloths

7 sinks-a-scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

On the eleventh day of Christmas my family gave to me:

11 dishes in washer

10 picked up hair bands

9 cans recycled

8 wrung out washcloths

7 sinks-a-scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

and a house that wasn't mess-y

(Slow it down now...make it dramatic)

On the twelfth day of Christmas my family gave to meeee:

12 piles-of-crap-put-away-without-me-naggingbitchingthreatning (say it real fast and it works)

11 dishes in washer

10 picked up hair bands

9 cans recycled

8 wrung out washcloths

7 sinks-a-scrubbed

6 folded sweatshirts

5 chip bags cloooosed

4 rolls replaced 

3 hung up towels

2 clean rooms

(big breath! big finish!)

and a house that wasn't messssss-yyyy!!!

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