Read This Book. You're Welcome.

You guys, I did something the other day I haven't done in a very, very long time.

Beer bong?

Nope.

Body shots?

Uh-uh.

Tantric sex?

Did that last week.

No, what I did is far less exciting but was oh so much more enjoyable than all of the above:

I read an entire book in one day.

I know some of you are envious, and your envy is totally understandable and even justifiable.

And I'm sure you are wondering just what kind of alternate universe I must be living in to be able to accomplish such a feat. 

Two words.

Alien Abduction.

Nah, I'm kidding.

Teenage children.

Seriously — get some.

They sleep until 11 a.m. and when they wake up they go about their own business, which usually involves staring at screens of various sizes until they get hungry, getting their own snacks, dressing themselves (or not) and generally being responsible for their own shit (figuratively and literally) which leaves you with an entire day to do laundry go grocery shopping waste time on facebook pay bills write blog posts scrub the toilets lay on the couch and read. 

And two other words that make it easy to read an entire book in one day?

HILARIOUS AUTHORS.

Last week, a new humor anthology by a collection of talented and funny bloggers hit the street.

And it became an instant top-of-the-humor-essays-chart best seller. 

{*Shameless self-promotion and plug alert which I can do because it's my blog* 

You may remember another bestselling humor anthology by a collection of talented and funny bloggers (14 of which are in this book as well!) that was released a few months ago that you can and should totally still order.}

The first thing I should tell you about this new book is that it is from the ladies (and friends) who bring you the hilarious website and writer's online community In The Powder Room, where, shameless self-promotion alert #2, I was honored and fortunate to write a scintillating article about how to groom your lady parts a few months ago. If ITPR is not already a daily read for you, go bookmark it now. 

I'll wait. 

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The editor of both the site and the book is Leslie Marinelli, who is not only a hilarious writer/blogger (I really need to start using a thesaurus in this post) but who has put together this group of 40 uproarious and convivial ladies (done) who are all talking to you about things they'd only share with their closest girlfriends, in the powder room (get it?). 

Teenagers or no teenagers, this book is a lively and quick read that you could totally continue reading even while wiping a little fanny or stirring a pot of mac-n-cheese.

I know, cause I did one of them while reading it (I won't tell you which one, but let's just say the fanny wasn't so little and leave it at that).

The point is, this book is a fun read.  It's a collection of 39 essays that you'll relate to and that you'll see yourself in and that you'll find something, in every one, that will make you laugh out loud.

Here's a few (of many) sections that got the old Kindle highlight:

From Stephanie Giese's "The Adoption Option" - 

"...The only thing that really concerns me about mixing adopted kids and biological kids is them getting to be teenagers and knowing that thery are not biologically related. It better not get all Flowers in the Attic in here. That's all I'm going to say."

She had me at Flowers in the Attic. I love you so hard, Stephanie. 

*****

From Deborah Quinn's "Stranded on the Flood Plain of (Peri)Monopause: A Cautionary Tale" -

"My friends, perimenopause is like Mother Nature's last joke. It's the swampy marshland of menopause: frequently flooded, difficult to map, and hard to recognize until you're in the middle of it."

I mean, I wouldn't know anything about that *cough cough*....

*****

From Dawn Weber's "'Good Vibrations'? There's an App for That. Of Course There Is" -

"Folks are now using cell phones to baste their turkey, to abuse their fuse. They're patting the bunny, double-clicking the mouse, five-finger shuffling, getting a little me-time — with their phones."

Shocking and terrifying, certainly, but the phrase 'baste their turkey' is never not funny.

*****

From Anna Sandler's "The Last Nice Jewish Boy in Boston" -

"When I was young and single and much prettier than I realized..."

OMG there's so much damn truth in that simple sentence, isn't there??

*****

From Tracy Winslow's "The Gym: A Place Where Muscles and Gag Reflexes Go To Workout" -

"...You have to focus on your pedicure or witness a buffet of fried egg boobs. I don't think everyone should shower in scuba gear. Neither do I wish to converse about the weather with a woman scratching her episiotomy scar. Also some things that should be done with privacy like: tampon insertion, nose hair deforestation or bringing yourself to orgasm while cleaning your ears with a Q-tip..."

And then I peed my pants. Thanks a lot, Tracy. 

Seriously, I could go on and on about Anti-Blowjob-Clubs and playing favorites with your boobs and masturbating grandmas, but I'll let you buy it (HERE) and and pee your own pants (finding out what the grandma used is well worth the $5 Kindle price...trust me). 

It's available on Amazon in print and Kindle and on Nook and at all the other usual bookish places. 

And just so you know, I'm not getting squat for writing this review.

I happen to kindasorta know 14 of the authors and have grown to consider them my friends, and that's motivation enough for me. 

A slow-clap standing O to all of you for your success and a job well done...

Thanks for the laughs, ladies! 

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