Hot Hollywood Hell - When Hollywood Goes Punk (or attempts to).

The ladies of Hollywood got punked out at the annual Met Gala the other night in NYC. 

And by "punked out" I mean they didn't.

Or they tried to by globbing on the eyeliner, changing their hair color and (as usual) showing plenty of side-boob.  

Because nothing says "punk" like side-boob, apparently.

So for this installment of Hot Hollywood Hell, let's take a look at what defines "punk couture" for Hollywood's biggest fashonistas. But I've gotta tell you, after looking at all the photos I'm seriously questioning that distinction, as well as where the hell they all actually were in the early 80's. 

Miley Cyrus

As much as I hate to admit it, this multiple Hot Hollywood Hell offender might have nailed the look better than anyone. 

Despite the fact that she looks like a teenager who attempted to go punk for Halloween, it worked. And in a shocking turn of events she actually covered up her boobs.  Who would've thought she'd be one of the only ones to not show side-boob? Wonder how much her stylist had to pay her to keep the liner in that dress?  

Now, if only she could learn to keep her tongue in her mouth when she's posing for photos. 

Anne Hathaway

Oh, please tell me she didn't dye her hair in a misguided attempt to look punk just for this event. 

*Googling furiously*

She did (thank you nymag). 

Good god, she did. 

I actually was liking this dress a lot — fits her to perfection — until I saw a close up shot.

Side-boob violater #1. 

And also? Not punk. 

No matter how much she paid for the Debbie Harry 'do. 

Madonna

I've said it before and now I'll say it again. 

Woman, you are fifty-four years old. 

For the love of god, stop trying to recreate your youth (and your popularity). 

I'd say lose the cobwebs coming from your upper thighs, but upon closer inspection I believe those to be ripped fishnets. 

Easy mistake to make. 

Nicole Richie

Her hair might be a different color, but this is the image that for some reason came to mind immediately when I saw her.

Not punk, just scary. 

SJP

Oh, sweetheart, you're making it too easy for me. 

Seriously, she looks like a circus pony. 

And not even a punk circus pony. 

Just a ridiculous one. 

I guess it's only fitting, then, that she came with a Ringmaster.

Taylor Swift

Rapunzel-Punk? Punk Barbie? 

Whatever look she was going for, I gotta say, crazy knows how to work a red carpet. 

Katie Holmes

Apparently thinking Charmin© is Punk. 

Upon closer inspection, the Charmin dress is actually stunning. And though not what I'd call "punk", her hair and makeup is gorge. 

However, because of her side-boob (armpit-boob?) violation, she loses 1 million points.

Kim Kardashian

She's either wearing Laura Ashley or she just ate her, I can't tell. 

Regardless — not punk, just ridiculous (as usual). 

Kirsten Dunst

I'm sorry. 

Who?

Seriously, when was the last time you heard that name? 2004? 

Go back to the B-list, sweetie, and take your side-boobs with you.

Gwyneth Paltrow

In a strange turn of events, The World's Most Beautiful Woman swings and misses.

1. Dress not punk.

2. Ponytail not punk.

3. Makeup not punk.

She's been given enough time this week though,  so moving on...

Jennifer Lawrence

Honestly, the girl can do no wrong. 

Proof?

Here she is at the premiere of The Great Gatsby last week—sans makeup.

By Hollywood's standards — shocking! Appalling! Unheard of!

By all the rest of our standards? 

A+. Most fantastic thing I've seen on a red carpet in a long time.  

Until I saw this. 

Seriously. 

Can I adopt her? 

Hot Hollywood Hell. 

Out. 

I'm going to listen to some Sex Pistols and try to erase these images from my mind. 

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