Hot Hollywood Hell - chock full of hellishness.

The other day as I was flipping through magazines, I realized that I haven't done an installment of Hot Hollywood Hell in a really long time.  I'm kind of disappointed in myself.  There have been so many fabulously wrong choices (fashion...relationship...lifestyle) over the past several months.  And don't worry, it's not because I have stopped reading UsWeekly, People and EW on a weekly basis or stopped checking the websites on a daily basis (because that would mean I was either being held hostage in an underground bunker or dead) it's just simply because I've had a lot more to say about a lot more crucial  and vitally important things than Mariah's stripper shoes or Beyonce's see through dress (like X-rated texts from single men and my fantasy dinner party guest list. Duh).

So to make up for a lot of lost time, this is an bonus edition.  Enjoy.

HHH #1. 

Girlfriend thinks this look is edgy and rockin'.

It's not.

Sister thinks she looks tough and badass and grungy all at once.

She doesn't.

"I've never felt so me!!" she says.

"Me"??  

Umm....don't you mean

"Bitch stole my look."

HHH#2. 

Oh, good lord.

Somebody please have the balls to tell her she is not 30.

Hell, she's not even 40.

Time to pack away the lace negligee, thigh-high boots and for god's sake woman, fingerless gloves 

have not been anywhere close to an okay fashion choice since 1988 (unless you are a woodsman).

And holy hell look at her arms!!

 (for a minute I seriously thought she was wearing a 

wrinkled long-sleeved t-shirt).  

Are we sure this guy wasn't missing his arms along with his brain?

It's okay, Scarecrow...we found them!  Madonna had them all along.

HHH #3.  

PARENTING FAIL.

Can you spot it?

Umm...pretty sure it's not a safe idea to wrap a scarf (or anything else)

AROUND YOUR BABY'S NECK.

"But she looked so cute...it totally matched her pants." sobbed Jessica as CPS 

removed baby Maxwell from the home.

HHH #4

Have you seen this ad??

WHAT THE HELL??

So NOT her body!!

So not anybody's body.

 Except maybe hers -

What happened to Xtina's big splooshy boobs? Where did they go?

And the arm, besides looking broken, is seriously a replica of the one 

on the Barbie (cocked wrist included).

You might remember how I feel about Lady Marmalade from this post, 

so it's no surprise that I'll pounce on any opportunity to slander her.  

Whatever.  

Let's just call a hoe spade a hoe spade, though.  

Ahh...there's the big splooshy boobs.
(And meaty arms.)

HHH #5. 

Dammit. 

That's the exact tat I was planning on getting under my boobs.

Thanks a lot, RIHANNA.

And now, because you had to endure all of the the above, you've earned this delicious photo - 

Come ON.

This is ridICulous.

SAHMP 

(Stay-At-Home-Mom-Porn)

You are welcome.