Alone.

Listen.

Do you hear that?

No?

Neither do I...because other than the Loons calling and the bee that's buzzing around my laptop, there's nothing to hear.

You guys, I've somehow found myself all alone, at my little cabin by the lake, for 36 whole hours. 

Thirty-six whole hours. 

How did I come upon such good fortune, you ask?

The short end of it is that the four of us were here at the lake over the weekend, and since it is our 20th anniversary this Wednesday and we're too lame fiscally responsible to be in Italy or on safari in Africa and instead will be here at our little cabin (where we pretty much are all summer but will be just the two of us for three days so will feel totally different), husband left to take the Things back home this morning at 6 a.m.  He'll work there today and tomorrow and return tomorrow evening. Without kids.

Which means I am all alone. 

Until at least 5 p.m. tomorrow.

If you're the mama to a baby or a toddler or an age of child who cannot at times fend for himself by making a meal of a cheese stick and goldfish, I know you cannot even comprehend what I just said and you might be thinking I'm actually existing in an alternate universe where unicorns braid my hair and I sleep on a bed of vanilla taffy.  

But if it makes you feel any better, I've been-there-done-that and maybe this will give you something to strive for. The light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. 

And although I'm thinking I'll be filling my day today and tomorrow with totally self-indulgent things like sleeping until I wake up and watching ridiculous shows on Netflix without interruption and taking a long walk and napping and eating a dinner of pita chips and hummus while watching The Bachelorette, I think I'm also going to savor the time to step back and fully be alone. 

With myself.

Remember her?

That girl who so often gets forgotten?

If I'm being honest, I'm not sure I'd know her if she was pouring my coffee at Starbucks.

Is that sad? Maybe. But I wouldn't change anything that's made me forget her.

It's true, though, isn't it? After we get married and have kids, we're rarely alone, and when we are, if we're not doing something for our husbands or our kids, our brains are thinking about it. What to make for dinner; the laundry that's mildewing in the washer; who needs to be picked up by 8:00; your youngest's barking cough that started in the middle of the night; the stack of school forms that need to be signed by tomorrow — it's never-ending, and we're never really, truly alone.

So for the next 36 hours (well, 34 now because I went back to sleep after I started writing this), I'm going to try it. Try to clear my mind and be truly alone with myself. I'm sure the plethora of thoughts that crowd my brain on a daily basis and leave me slightly unbalanced will surface at times, but I'm going to do my best to get reacquainted with the person who I know is underneath it all. 

I hear she likes The Bachelorette. 

I think I might like her.