Over It (again*).

If you have kids over the age of three, you know that May is a crazy month that is over-scheduled and jam packed with end of school luncheons, recitals, concerts, banquets, awards presentations, field days and picnics. If your kids are in high school, you can throw the stress of trying to find the time to study for finals in the mix — which, unfortunately, the whole family feels. 

It’s all more than a little exhausting and stressful, and as the years go on, increasingly painful. 

Since my older daughter is 17 and started preschool when she was three, I’ve survived 14 Mays like this.  I remember her very first preschool luncheon and music performance like it was yesterday. I remember what she was wearing; I remember the songs she sang; I remember the construction paper placemat she made for me and I remember how thrilled and proud I was. I was every bit as excited as she was. I recorded every second of it with my giant video camera hoisted on my shoulder and had to wipe a few tears away as I watched her stand up there with her other tiny classmates who were trying their hardest to remember the words and hand motions to all the songs (which, of course, they didn’t). It was adorable. 

Until about third grade.

Then it all became more than a little bit excruciating.

I blame the recorder.

I've survived two children going through the recorder unit in music class and the culminating concert.
The fact that that was about the time I started drinking martinis is purely coincidental, I'm sure. 

But regardless of what is to blame,  the end of year concerts and programs and banquets lose more than a little bit of their luster and excitement as the years progress. And by “lose a little bit of their luster and excitement” I mean they become downright painful to endure. If you have kids over the age of about nine, you know what I’m talking about. If you have kids under the age of seven, I’m sorry to have to break it to you, but you are about to step out of the Magic Kingdom into Anaheim (if you've ever been to Disneyland, that will make a lot of sense). 

Here's an example.

Last week my 12 year old had her sixth grade choir concert. 

If you ever want to see 100 middle school kids who could not look more bored or bothered, just go to their middle school choir concert. Thankfully, my daughter loves to sing, even with 90 others who clearly do not, so it wasn't too terrible having to endure the 30 min. program. Plus, watching the expressions — or lack of — on the majority of those kids' faces was far more entertaining than trying to hear them sing. And listen, if 90% of the 6th graders don't give a damn about their performance, I don't feel bad about not wanting to be there. And before you think that's terrible, the 12 year old totally agrees with me. Unfortunately, the apathy of a group of disinterested sixth graders can rub off on the ones who aren't and be a real bummer. 

So in the middle of the show, my 17 year old looked over at me (and my lack of any recording device whatsoever) and whispered, "Didn't you video every one of my middle school choir concerts?"

Me: Absolutely! Took pictures too!

17yo: Why?

Me: No idea.  

It's true. We have hours of video footage of  Thing 1's elementary school music programs, soccer practices, dance rehearsals and yes, even middle school choir concerts — which we’ve never watched and know we never will (birthdays and Christmases make much more exciting home movie viewing). But by the time Thing 2 was in third grade, I gave up (again, pretty sure it was the recorder concert that pushed me over the edge). I could barely keep myself from self-mutilation for the hour+ of "Hot Cross Buns" and "When The Saints Go Marching In", much less try to focus on trying to get a decent shot of my daughter in the sea of 120 others. Plus, the camera cards were all still loaded with all the footage from Thing 1's concerts so there wasn't any room. 

Don't get me wrong, the things that they're passionate about; the things they love — and that as a result are the things I do too — like the musicals and plays? Of course I still get ridiculously excited and just about burst with pride while I'm watching — and recording. 

It's all the other unnecessary crap that I'm over.  

It’s like a lot of the other aspects of parenting that we've all lived through:

•Age 2: You can’t believe how grown up your little one is to be eating Goldfish all by herself and immediately run to Target and buy the little fishie shaped snack containers and jumbo box, but six weeks later when your car floor and sofa are covered with an inch of orange crumbs, you’re over it.

•Age 2-3: The first time your child uses the potty you break into the Hallelujah Chorus, but a month later when you’re spending most of your time at Target or the mall in the restroom holding her squirmy little butt over the yellow and brown speckled toilet seat, you’re over it. 

•Age 3: The first time your toddler learns how to blow into a kazoo correctly, you applaud and think they’re gifted, but a week later when they’re marching around your bed blowing “Jingle Bells” over and over and over at 6 a.m., you’re over it.

•Age 4: You get as excited about the first Barbie doll or Lego set you buy for your child as s/he does, but by the 50th, you’re over it. 

•Age 7: You find it adorable to quiz your child on their spelling lists or flashcards when they’re in first grade, but by the time they’re in middle school and you’re supposed to quiz them on math problems even you don’t understand, you’re over it. 

You understand. 

So I guess the question is, are we bad parents for dreading the concerts and banquets and field trips and end of year field days where we stand for five hours in the 90° heat trying (in vain) to tie 300 god damned water balloons? And is it a crime to admit to being over it? 

I hope not. 

I, for one, find honesty in parenting to be refreshing. It's the parents who don't complain who worry me. 

Because I promise you this —the parent who is smiling and tapping her foot at the third grade recorder concert? 

Drunk as a skunk.

*Oh, and by the way, this post is titled "Over It (again)" because last night I remembered I'd already written a post called "Over It" back in March. You can read it HERE.

Apparently, I'm 'over' a lot. 

So now it's your turn. What are you 'over'? 

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