Hot Hollywood Hell - She's gonna blow!!

This morning, when I should've been vacuuming and putting Christmas things away but was reading UsWeekly.com and People.com and E!Online.com instead (duh), I came across a few photos that definitely threw me for a loop &/or made me throw up a little bit in my mouth.

And then I realized that it's been waay too long since I've had an installment of Hot Hollywood Hell.
So I went back and checked.
October 2nd. That was the last one.
Too long, kids. I'm ashamed of myself and am threatening pulling my celebrity whoremonger card as I speak.
Since I have paid for gathered a few new readers since October, you might want to go back and read this first installment to get up to speed.
There's a few more HERE, and HERE (my favorite one) and HERE.

But regardless if you go back and take a peek at those disasters (the photos, not the blog posts of course) I have a feeling you'll catch on pretty quick.
You're smart.
That's why you read this blog.

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1. And the award for most ginormous pregnant woman ever in the history of pregnant women goes to...

The duck face is awesome, though.
Almost distracts from the mammoth boobs and belly that are poking me in the eyes through my computer screen.
And it doesn't want to make me punch her in the throat at all.

Seriously. She took this last week.

She's like 3 or 4 months pregnant? Ho.Ly. Hell. She's gonna explode by month 6.

Although, since it's only been like a week since she gave birth to the baby she then tried to strangle, the image of her at month 17 of that pregnancy is still a bit fresh in my mind and I suppose her body just blows up like a party balloon when it's pregnant.

I'm not kidding.
If she pulled a watermelon, a yorkie-poo AND a loaf of bread out from under there she'd still look pregnant.

This photo was taken in JANUARY.  She gave birth in MAY.

The next 14 months are gonna be hard to watch.

2.  Oh, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

Let me just preface this one by saying that I adore Kelly Clarkson.  I love her voice and all of her music. I think she's humble and real and down to earth and I couldn't be happier for her that she's found true love.

But seriously, somebody get this girl a stylist. STAT.

Her most recent fashion disaster. I cannot take my eyes off of it.
There's so many things wrong going on here it makes me nervous.

And poor Kelly too often gets scrutinized and criticized for her weight, which goes up and down more frequently than Jessica Simpson's belly button.

But her weight shouldn't be an issue in her styling. She (and millions of others) can look fabulous no matter their size, as evidenced by this look from the 2011 AMAs.

Va-Va Voooom. Gorge.

One last thing and then I'll stop picking on her until the next time - the blonde hair has got to go.

Brown Kelly is the hotter Kelly.

And the fact that I am a brunette does not have anything to do with that opinion.

Am I right or am I right?

3.  Second time to be an offender in Hot Hollywood Hell, MILEY.

We get it. Geesh.

You're not so innocent anymore.

Hannah Montana is an embarrassment (of riches) for you.

You're edgy! You're punk! You're clearly disturbed!

Now kindly put your boobies back in where they belong and stop being so disgusting.

Damn it. I thought goth-mime was OUT this year. I just threw away my pants like that.

And puh-leeze - for the love of god - release this guy from your evil clutches.

Clearly the most confused man in Hollywood.
Or the stupidest.

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Good grief. I need a palate cleanser.

Better.
So, so much better.

Now I can continue on with my day.