Decking the halls is my favorite....

...until I'm way too busy and then it's not.
Unless there's Baileys.
A lot of Baileys (which there always, always is in this house the during the dark days of December and January.
Read this post if you're new. It will explain a lot.  I'll wait...and have a little Baileys while you read).

So anyway, this was the weekend to get the trees up (plural) and get out the 12 giant red and green tubs of decorations and ornaments and lights and tacky crap cherished family heirlooms that my grandma and Husband's grandma made in like 1960 that we never ever put out but feel way too guilty to throw out or give away (not that anyone else would want it).  I'm not kidding. I schedule this event on my calendar every year.  If it's written down, the trees are goin' up.  And god help anyone or anything that messes with my schedule.

I'm totally kidding. I'm a mom. Something or someone always messes with my sacred schedule.
(But not about the 'god help' part. I get pretty pissed every time it happens. Not a real 'go-with-the-flow' kinda gal.)

But last week was kind of a hellish week.
The Things are both in a local children's theatre production of "Annie" (more on that later in the week) and I somehow volunteered or got elected (maybe a bit of both) to help with painting and putting together every single set piece.  And by 'help' I mean 'become the foreman'.  The fact that I've never been in charge of anything like that ever in my life was of no consequence to the director (who I know is reading this and laughing so we're all good here). I've helped paint sets before, but last week? I was large and in charge. Thank god for good helpers with even better ideas. But because I was at the theatre 4 days from 10 - 5, and was being a nurse to Husband all day on Wednesday after a minor medical procedure (save your inappropriate comments - he's already used them all) it left no time at all to get ready to decorate, Christmas shop or (even worse) go to Target.
*sidenote - BRAVO and a standing O to all you moms who work outside the home. I do not know how you do it.

And because the Things were going to be in rehearsal all day Saturday and at an audition Saturday evening which of course led to a big sleepover Saturday night and then had to do a week's worth of homework on Sunday because of this week's 4:00 - 9:00 tech rehearsals every day + choir concerts (hold on...I just got tired...I need to lie down) I knew that Friday night was the only window of family decorating time we had in the next 10 days - the very, very small window.

Here's how it went down.

5:30 p.m. - Husband and I return home - exhausted and dirty - after building sets all day.  I quietly slip away with my new People magazine to the bathtub.

6:00 p.m. - Finish my bath (which was delightful), put on comfy sweats and gear up for the tree trimming, only to discover that the Things need to go to Target right now to get stuff for the show (the only window of Target time they'll have in the next week).  Throw on boots, grab keys, pray I don't run into anyone I know being that I'm pretty much ready for bed, and we go to Target.

7:00 p.m - Despite the fact that Target is only a mile from our home, the what-should-have-been-a-15-minute-trip turned into a 45 minute one, because, well, we were at Target. And the only thing worse than me being alone at Target is all 3 of us being at Target.  You understand.  I know you do.

7:15 p.m. - pizzas ordered, perfect Christmas CD mix playing, ornament tubs upstairs, bottle of wine opened, Husband in his standard Christmas tree decorating spot on the couch - time for family decorating!!

7:16 p.m. - Thing 1 asks if she can switch the music. My perfect Christmas mix of music. Not wanting to seem controlling (never) I say sure.  Then after a split second we all know what's about to happen and scream No British Boys!!  She looks dejected and puts down her ipod and starts rummaging through the Christmas CDs.

7:18 p.m. - No one has any interest in the ugly ornaments and defy my instructions to save the favorites until the end and begin hanging all the cute and favorite ornaments on the front branches while I am stuck with hanging all the awful and tacky ornaments we've either been gifted or that were on our trees as children.

7:19 p.m. - We suddenly realize we are listening to the Sesame Street Christmas CD that was Thing 1's favorite as a child. She thinks it's hilarious. We disagree. Husband makes a few inappropriate Elmo jokes and we make her switch it.

7:19:20 p.m. - RadioDisney's Christmas CD (from about 2001) begins blaring through the speakers.  Another old Thing 1 fave.  We yell. She laughs. Again.

7:25 p.m. - Husband takes a few pics from his position on the couch...

...the Things start hanging ugly ornaments on all the front branches which they find hilarious but which I find aggravating and immediately switch to back branches, where I (of course) discover all my favorites already hanging (which they also find hilarious) so I have to take them off and find a branch in front to re-hang.  Are we having fun yet?

7:26 p.m. - The Things begin amusing themselves by taking a million 'selfies' in front of the tree and posting them to Instagram.  I continue hanging. By myself.

7:30 p.m. - Thing 2 starts tweeting nonsense, Husband has gone from sitting to lying down on the couch, and Thing 1, trying to find the worst Christmas CDs in the history of Christmas CDs, discovers an old Wiggles CD in the cabinet and begins reading aloud the lyrics to all the songs. Hysteria ensues (seriously, if you can read aloud the lyrics to 'Fruit Salad' without crying from laughter I'll buy you a drink).  *note - one cannot hang Christmas ornaments when one is tweeting, lying on the sofa, or reading lyrics aloud.  You do the math.

7:42 p.m. - Husband has fallen asleep. The Things have now completely disappeared. I continue hanging....and contemplate hanging all 3 of them for once again leaving me to decorate 3/4 of the tree all by myself.

8:30 p.m. - the tree is (finally) decorated, Husband is snoring, the Things are somewhere off in the house singing musical duets together, and lucky me gets to clean up the pizza mess and the ornament mess alone.

8:45 p.m. - discover half a bottle of wine left. I win.

Saturday afternoon (after a well deserved 45 minute nap) I somehow mustered up enough energy to distribute the rest of the decorations around the house.

(I thankfully had the foresight to decorate outside the week before Thanksgiving)

I even spontaneously put up the basement tree - all by myself - because I knew if I waited for help it wouldn't go up for weeks (and I have to admit, I was pretty rattled by doing it without it having been previously scheduled.  Kind of threw me. Nope, not crazy a bit).

And then Sunday when I was finally putting all the tubs away I walked around the corner and discovered this -

and decided that whatever decorations are in those tubs are staying right where they are until 2013. At least.

I've got shopping to do.