"Words can't bring her down". So let's go.

I know I've mentioned before that our family has been long time and long loyal American Idol fans.   I've even been to not one, but two of those excruciatingly Painful summer tour concerts.
But after watching all the way up to Hollywood week this year, we just couldn't get into it and (gasp) removed it from our Season Pass list.
Maybe it was the mediocre and increasingly redundant contestants, or (more likely) the obnoxious and forced and over-produced antics of the 3 stooges. To be clear, I abhored Paula and the entire family found great comedy in her over-medicated behavior - as evidenced by this drawing from a then 6 year old Thing 2-

She drew this while watching AI one night. "Loopy Paula is so loopy!"
And note the caption at top left, "Paula's drunk!"
Can you blame me for still having this masterpiece displayed 5 years later?

But JLo was getting on my last nerve with the hair/makeup/wardrobe schizophrenics. Unquestionably gorge, that woman, but it was exhausting keeping up with her fashion each night.  Her stylist must have gone totally postal on her barbie dolls when she was  a kid.

And don't even get me started on Randy.
He's the Ronald Miller of AI.
Going from the not-so-cool

to the he-thinks-he's-cool-and-likes-to-act-cool-but-really-he's-still-not-so-cool.

100 points to those of you who knew Ronald Miller was Patrick Dempsey in the totally-should've-won-awards movie
 "Can't Buy me Love".  High five.

And Great Aunt Steven? 

Well, I actually like him a lot. 

Anyone who can rock hair feathers at age 64 gets my complete respect.

Anyway, the point I'm taking waaay too long to get to is this.

We watched "The Voice" this year instead of AI.
And I think Christina Aguilera is a grade A Bee-Yatch.

And for the past few weeks I've been resisting writing about it because:

1) I realize many of you do not watch "The Voice"
and
2) I didn't want to give Sweet Leilani any more attention than she already gets.

But after last night I can't control myself (and I know what you are thinking Husband. That I certainly did not control myself throughout every single episode and that I spit so many venomous and hateful comments continuously that you had to hit pause/rewind more than was necessary, especially because Trailer Trash Barbie is in your top 5 - gag - for reasons that make me wonder just what kind of trouble you'd get yourself into if you were single.)

Plus, it seems that most of America is in agreement with me so I've found strength and support in numbers.

So a little back story might help you understand what I'll call "Reason A" of why I'm hating on Lady Marmelade.

Reason A -
Husband and I have been big - huge - fans of Tony Lucca for about 2 years.
I can't even remember how Husband first stumbled upon his music, but it has been the soundtrack of our summer sunset cruises for the past two years.
(This one is my favorite album.  Listen to track 12 which he wrote for his new baby girl. If you don't cry you have a heart of stone.)

Anyway, we had definite mixed feelings about Tony being a contestant on "The Voice".  We liked his indie music and vibe, and even though he'd been a Mouseketeer with Britney and JT and the Bleached Bimbo, he didn't follow the big bucks and fame and for whatever reason kept making his own kind of music and took his guitar and his paperboy hats and his scruffy beards and played cool intimate clubs like "Joe's Pub" in NYC (where Husband saw him play last year).

We feared once he got a taste of the spotlight he'd become too slick. And I have to admit, he kind of did.

Nooooooo!!!

Overstyled hair and a few cheesy song selections and a total absence of the authenticity and grit we've come to  love, but still, he was following his new dream and so we supported him and thought he was doing well.

Until trampy Regina George Xtina decided to bBlackball him.
(100 more points for those of you who know who Regina George is).

Every. Single. Performance.

What. A. Bitch.

Called him "one-dimensional" (hello pot, meet kettle),  gave him backwards compliments and even texted while he was talking.

TMZ speculates it's because she had a huge crush on him when they were Mouseketeers.  I guess everybody did.  Apparently he was the JT of the MMC before there was such a thing as being a "JT".

JT is in the striped shirt. Adorable, but he was no Tony. 

Hell hath no fury like a Mouseketeer scorned (thanks, TMZ).

Reason B -

She's not selective in her bitchiness.

She publicly dissed Justin Bieber on the show, too. 

JUSTIN FREAKIN' BIEBER. 

(and just to be clear, I'm no Belieber, but c'mon. That kid's gonna have the power to destroy her one day -if he doesn't already.)
Karmas a bitch (and so are you).

And Reason C really needs no words.  These photos will do nicely.

*disclaimer - I have nothing against people being comfortable in their own skin.  I absolutely applaud those who don't give a crap about what other people think. But because she is so ugly on the inside, I feel justified in my criticisms. There. Now I feel better and like I will not burn in Hell.

Reason C -

Charlie Tramp-lin

Madonna called to tell you to give back her outfit. But then realized it'd be all stretched out so said just to keep it. 

Trying to class it up with "minimal" makeup and a straightened wig hair.
And a "conservative" dress that's making the ta-tas as angry as a toddler in a time-out chair. "Let us OUT, woman!!"
I thought it was an improvement - more 'High Class Hooker' than streetwalker.

"I wonder if America can see enough nipple tonight."

I'm dead serious - the very next show - saying to Hell with the Heidi Fleiss and reverting back to her comfort zone -
Slutty Goth Princess Barbie.

....and the next week switching it up with Porn Jasmine.

And then, apparently deciding that pants are so overrated, really classed things up for the finale.

SHE'S WEARING BEDAZZLED GRANNY PANTIES. 

TO HELL WITH PANTS!!

I know what you're probably thinking by now. 

"Geez, say what you really mean, Michelle."

But since I seriously doubt that little Miss Dirrty or her relatives will be reading this, I feel I can be honest. 

You all are my trust tree.  

My safe circle.

'Cause if I thought she'd read any of this I totally would tell her she's awesome. 

Because frankly, she scares the shit outta me.

Agree? Or are you Team Xrated Xtina?